Posts Tagged ‘Stupid’

After sifting mindlessly through crazy Tom Cruise YouTube videos for the last hour, I’ve realized that Tom is no more than a one-dimensional douchebactor who’s words (and behaviors) become as disjointed and incomprehensible as his religious precepts when his dialogue isn’t scripted for him by guys like Hollywood big-cock David Koepp.

That’s not to say there is no validity in the ideas he speaks about (at least from what I’m able to interpret, which by no fault of my own, is minimal).

I’m all for conservative distribution of designer drugs – but when it comes to speaking out against Riddlin and Adderall on live television to talk-show hosts, I have learned vicariously through the body of a certain d-bag that you don’t have to act like a complete d-bag when doing so, even if you are one…

The Today Show With Matt Lauer

As I mentioned before, I’m all for laying off the pill-popping, but that doesn’t necessarily give me the right to start misusing words like glib. If it were up to me, no one would ever use the word glib again, especially when they’re being glib in using said word.

Matt Matt Matt, you don’t even know what Riddelin is.

Tom On Oprah

Nothing says crazy like a white guy jumping up and rubbing his dirty ass feet on a black person’s couch… the whole blatant expression of outofyourfuckingmind thing doesn’t really help much either…

Crazy Tom’s Scientology Video

Watching this video is a lot like being punched in the face really really hard by a really really big dude – you put yourself in a situation you knew you should have never been in, and after you come-to, your thought process feels a little more like Paris Hilton’s feels (or doesn’t feel… though I can’t really blame her – no one ever teaches you that donkey-punches shouldn’t be an everyday thing).

I promise you can watch zero seconds of this video and understand more than you would if you watched the entire thing.

Tommy Takes A Wet One To The Face

He actually appears to enjoy the shot to the face until he realizes that he’s both on the receiving end of a prank, and that the projected liquid is less viscous and less salty than he expected.

Tom Killing Oprah

Sure there are more worthy ‘Crazy Tom’ videos clogging up the intertubes, but I couldn’t resist saving this classic for last.

This is the type of sign you see in the restrooms of Amsterdam’s red light district and in the brothels of Panama. Madonna has a similar placard that reads identical except for the word employees swapped with the word Yankees.

I came across this story from 2005 and I thought it should be revisited.

The Houston Chronicle reports that two Texas men and an underage friend broke into a cemetery, decapitated a body and used the head to smoke pot out of like a bong.

“Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of abuse of a corpse, said Scott Durfee, a spokesman for the Harris County District Attorneys Office.

According to documents filed in the case, Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed juvenile on March 15 went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man’s grave, left with the head and turned it into a “bong.”

Gonzalez told authorities about the incident Wednesday, and showed officers the defaced grave, including a 4-foot hole. Because of a heavy rain, officers were unable to determine whether the casket or the body had been disturbed.”

Talk about taking a bongload to the dome.

The article has since been removed from the Houston Chronicle website.

Often times, the internet serves as a forum for people to display their outlandish and lewd tattoos.

Tattoos can be beautiful and artfully done, but like painting flames on your ‘96 Mustang, we frequently ask ourselves what the f-ck were they thinking? (mostly for purchasing a ‘96 Mustang)

below are 35 examples of the latter.

You know you’ve come across something special when you find a deal that’s too good to be true, when it is in fact true. If you’re in the market for a ‘93 Lincoln Mark VIII and only have twelve hundred bucks, then this deal is the deal of your dreams.

Especially if “Highway Gangbang – In Da Butt” is in your bittorrent download que.

Some people are extremely unlucky–so unlucky that at times I pity them for being beaten down repeatedly by the hard fist that, for so many people, is the reality of their existence.

Other people are just stupid.

Michael Otero pulled into the lot of a 7-11 convenience store (only convenient if you’re trying to gain 30 pounds by the end of the month by eating cheese injected hot dogs that have been sitting on the rotisserie since yesterday of last week) and parked his newly purchased red pickup truck with a manual transmission directly in front of the store.

He got out of the vehicle, entered the store, and began his nightly routine by purchasing the most unhealthy food available to the greater Laguna Beach community.

When he returned to his truck–he was struck with the greatest fear that any man who hates walking and doesn’t exercise can imagine–his truck was gone and his hands were full of crinkle cut cheddar cheese fries and a family sized bag of Baken-Ets brand zero-carb fried pork skins.

For 120 seconds, Otero debated whether it was worth dropping one of the delicious treats in order to free up a hand to dial 9-1-1 on his mobile phone, but he decided that the call could wait. He stood in the parking lot, sad, alone, and staring blankly at where his car had been while trying to come up with some logical explanation for his truck’s disappearance.

“It’s almost like a ghost,” Otero said scientifically.

After he devoured his fries, he dialed 9-1-1 with his greasy sausage fingers and told the operator on the other end that his car had been stolen. Laguna Beach Police responded in minutes because they had nothing better to do in the quiet beach town, and hoping to catch a glimpse of the culprit, pulled the surveillance video from the convenience store.

This is what they saw.

“I still don’t believe it,” said Otero–continuing profoundly, “This is like a car hole-in-one.”

if you missed, Part 1, fear not because I just linked you. To recap, these are reasons 5-8 of why women cheated on their boyfriends. To be fair, they could have 1000 reasons to cheat and none would make sense. Enjoy.

Reason #5: She deserves better

“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was.”

Sounds like a healthy relationship so far. To be fair to Ethan, you did write “I was” twice in a sentence.

“For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him.”

“You’re just jealous of our love!”

“One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off.”

I’m assuming he was critical, made snide comments about your weight, and told you how stupid you were. That seems like the recipe for success thus far.

“He was the complete opposite of Ethan kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act.”

So like a mature, relationship-worthy girl, you broke it off with Ethan before pursuing anything physical with Will.

“I hooked up with Will the night before he left, and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.” Allison, 30, New York, NY

“You cheated on your boyfriend to be with me?”

“Yeah.”

“F-ckin’ sweet. Let’s get married.”