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Creationism evolves, Pope launches YouTube channel

Brotha Jonze — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 21:44:08 +0000

Pope Benedict XVI will launch the first ever dedicated YouTube channel for the Vatican City State later this week. The content will target devout Catholics but also aims to convert readers of The Onion to a stronger, more virtuous faith.

“We’ve evolved extraordinarily as a species–there is no logical way to deny who we’ve become and what we came from. We’re more advanced–plain and simple,” said Pope Benedict XVI in reference to the technological advances of the past decade.

“It’s evolution at its finest. We came from single-cell processors, and evolved to multi-core ones, and that, coupled with massive bandwidth reserves is what will allow us to read passages from an archaic book, as well as a few passages from a personal favorite Lord of the Rings, to people globally.”

Holy fucking YouTube Channel will go live next week–expect videos of the Pope’s cat looking really cute, as well as The Official Catholic Priest’s: ‘how to’ guide for preserving your name in the cum covered face of pedophilia.

Add Some NHL To Your Cardio For Greater Fat Loss

Brotha Jonze — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:24:57 +0000

There’s something about the NHL that makes most Americans care less, or rather care more about anything else. It’s a bit like the cardio session of a workout in that everything else is more fun. Really the best part of the NHL can be condensed into a three minute long YouTube fight compilation which has likely already been made.

See what The Onion guys have to say about the NHL, good stuff.

Novelist Strike, Less of an Impact Than WGA Strike

Brotha Jonze — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 09:27:42 +0000

We understand that this is the internet, this is the twenty first century, and for most of us, this is America, so we try to use as little text as possible, filling our pages with media. However, for those brave souls that don’t mind taking the five minutes it does to read an article, check out The Onion’s latest.

Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever

LOS ANGELES—The economy has seen no adverse effects, as American consumers easily adjust to the sudden cessation of any bold new sprawling works of fiction.