It’s extremely difficult for anyone to look cool while riding a bicycle, the helmets, shorts, and sunglasses do not allow fr it. Consequently, the fact that the following 10 people are bicyclists gives them a head-start on the fail-o-meter.

Throw in a huge puddle, a manhole, and the occasional light-post and we’ve got what we’re affectionately calling the Top 10 Photos of Bicycle Fail (And 1 of Bicycle Win!).

We’ll begin with Number 10…

10. Needs a facemask

9. Not even close

8. Eeeerm

7. Pixelated, but worth a nod

6. Unhappy ending

5. Brush by

4. Showoff

3. Manhole Manwet

2. Treadmarks

1. Smile!… WTF?

And Finally, Epic Bike For The Win!

For whatever reason, our readers seem to enjoy articles and lists about excessive drinking and (anti)socialite behavior, so we tend to allocate most of our day to said niche (if not textually, in reality).

We’ve done The Drunker You Are, The Harder You Fall and we’ve done the Top 10 Signs You Drank Too Much and have had success doing so.

We took what we learned, mixed in some public urination, threw in a little Hasselhoff, and dropped in a dash of Verne Troyer to come up with the (Not So Top) 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much.

In the words of Nic Cage, Here. We. Go.

10. You’re spooning a bench

9. You piss where you sleep where I wait for the bus

8. You’re trying to cheat on your wife with an ATM machine

7. You are the Hasselhoff

6. You just… The whole toilet

5. You’re this thing

4. You shouldn’t have been driving

3. The crosswalk is a crosscrawl

2. You were Santa

1. You are Verne Troyer and you’re on the run

When you’re thinking of a name for your hot new burger joint or your neighborhood ice-creamery, you should take a second to make sure your ideas are not derived from categories on the popular SNL skit Celebrity Jeopardy. These 10 store names (one company name) were never double-checked, consequently they make up Banned’s Top 10 Stupid Store Names.

Tits…

10. Spacing is key when it comes to exchanging kids and sex changes

9. Cream filled buns anyone?

8. Popular with the ladies…

7. Sounds painful and probably available on Craigslist

6. Arrive early as space is limited

5. In case your girl is all dried up?

4. Simple and to the point

3. I usually stay at the Alltheway Inn

2. Hard-Ons not available used

1. I prefer Gabonese, but Tanzanian isn’t bad with hot sauce

Plus how else were we supposed to show that Brooke Shields and Kirstie Alley are the same person without thought bubbles?

They are the same person, right?

Here are the Top 10 Stupid Celebrity Quotes (In A Digital Comic Book of Two Pages).

(click here for a larger view of page one)

(click here for a larger view of page two)

I was stumbling through the Something Awful Forums when I came across a thread called Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms and, like so many times before, knew I needed to suck the thread and give it some attention.

I pulled ten or fifteen of my favorite submissions, did a little photoshopping, and added a few myself in order to compile what I believe are the Top 20 Safe For Work Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms.

Thanks goes out to the Goons for inspiration (as well as for a few quality photoshop jobs, especially to nickhimself for sexual euphemism #3).

In case any of the following 20 illustrated sexual euphemisms leave you stumped, an answer key is provided at the bottom of the page.

20.

19.

18.

17.

16.

15.

14.

13.

12.

11.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Official Answer Key:

20. Beat Your Meat
19. Three Hole Punch
18. Hairy Beaver
17. Donkey Punch
16. Golden Shower
15. Choking Your Chicken
14. Furburger
13. Horizontal Mambo
12. Hung Like A Horse
11. Cleveland Steamer
10. No Pants Dance
9. Bust A Nut
8. Laying Pipe
7. Hot Beef Injection
6. Sucking Dick
5. Cleaning Your Rifle
4. Dirty Sanchez
3. Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
2. Does The Carpet Match The Drapes?
- Yes, I Believe It Does…
1. The Rusty Trombone

For those of you who are new to Banned In Hollywood, we’ve been posting articles — top 10 lists rather — like this for quite some time. If you’re able to laugh at least one of these photos you’ll probably like the rest of the site. If you become annoyed, irritated, or down-right pissed off because this list’s humor is founded on, at the very best, basic fat guy humor, we advise you to leave now (though you’re probably only pissed because you look like one of the people in the following photos).

For the first installment of the diet series, please head here.

For the second installment, head here (we advise checking both).

10. You are the Blueberry from Willy Wonka

9. You just busted my wall down… you bastard

8. It looks like you’re wearing an inflatable sumo Halloween costume but you’re not

7. You turned a shirt into a sports-bra

6. You don’t pop your collar, your collar pops you…

…(what does that even mean?)

5. Wat?

4. Your right foot looks like a big inflated pink condom

3. You can’t say ‘diet’, but you need to go on one

2. You make Princess Leia look li… Wait a sec…

1.5. Oh, there we go…

1. For the first time ever, the ‘Official XXL’ on your shirt is smaller than your shirt’s actual size

One of my favorite youtube search queries is drunk fall. And because I’m sure you’ve been there but probably weren’t lucky enough to have a friend (or complete stranger) film you, I found it necessary to compile a top 10 list acclaiming those drunks who were lucky enough not just to be filmed, but to end up on youtube tagged under my favorite youtube search query: drunk fall.

Thank you youtube.

10. Can’t sober up by running

9. The dirty cop

8. Hole in one, then out the door

7. Too drunk to ride/stand

6. Mr. Wobbles

5. The hidden hitchhiker

4. Alright guys, see you tomorr…

3. 2 dudes, 1 stump

2. Don’t mind me, just go around

1. Dude Vs. Puddle

Are they funny? I guess that depends on who’s looking at them.

Are they absolutely disgusting? Why, of course.

10. Your neck has a neck cushion so you can sleep wherever

9. You are judged even though you’re the judge

8. Your arm and back together looks like an ass

7. Your drink only fits on the table once you’ve eaten enough

6. You weight more than a Kawasaki Ninja

5. Om nom nom nom nom

4. You have a gunt

3. You just don’t fit in…

2. You’ve been on a safari, as the animal

1. Your head is… on backwards? wait a sec…

WarmingGlow.com is essentially the posthumous pre-op butt-baby of television/celebrity blogs that now saturate themselves with the mind-numbingly explicit crotch shots of fallen glam celebs Britney Spears, and most recently, Lindsay Lohan.

It’s refreshing–and I mean that even when making reference to Tenacious D’s not-so-mainstream short film of Kyle Gass’ LSD/EPT induced rectal birth.

WarmingGlow explains–

“Before she was photographed by paparazzi 18 hours a day, Fox was just a rising teen starlet trying to land TV roles.  And although lists are a simplistic crutch for people without expository writing skills, everyone on the Internet seems to like them, so here.  Here’s a damn list.  These are Megan Fox’s Top Five television roles, as determined by me using completely arbitrary criteria that I won’t divulge.  What are you gonna do?  Disagree?”

Head on over now for more foxy Megan Fox.

Our buddies over at Gunaxin just published a list of twenty great quotes about beer. In the same vain, we present Banned In Hollywood’s Twenty Great Quotes About Sex.

Starting with number 20…

20. “During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.”

–Richard Lewis

19. “Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.”

–Kevin Costner

18. “I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.”

–Leslie Nielsen

17. “Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.”

–George Carlin

16. “It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”

–Drew Carey

15. “If it wasn’t for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I’d have no sex life at all.”

–Rodney Dangerfield

14. “Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”

–Steve Martin

13. “Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.”

–Woody Allen

12. “It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”

–Marilyn Monroe

11. “My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”

–Woody Allen

10. “It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don’t believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it.”

–Winston Churchill

9. “When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”

–Matt Groening

8. “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.”

–Brendan Francis

7. “There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn’t get laid.”

–Denis Leary

6. “An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.”

–Edgar Wallace

5. “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”

–Woody Allen

4. “We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

–Robin Williams

3. “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”

–Steve Martin

2. “My girlfriend said to me in bed last night’ ‘you’re a pervert’ I said, ‘that’s a big word for a girl of nine’.”

–Emo Philips

1. “If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.”

–Kate Beckinsale