Banned In Hollywood » Truck Archives – Banned In Hollywood

Let’s brainlesstorm: How not to get your truck unstuck

Brotha Jonze — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 06:48:06 +0000

There’s a reason why stupid people do stupid things when they find themselves stuck in stupid situations that result from their own stupidity–they’re not so bright (or they’re Tom Cruise).

This is what happens when stupid people brainlesstorm.

Man loses car he just parked

Brotha Jonze — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:08:57 +0000

Some people are extremely unlucky–so unlucky that at times I pity them for being beaten down repeatedly by the hard fist that, for so many people, is the reality of their existence.

Other people are just stupid.

Michael Otero pulled into the lot of a 7-11 convenience store (only convenient if you’re trying to gain 30 pounds by the end of the month by eating cheese injected hot dogs that have been sitting on the rotisserie since yesterday of last week) and parked his newly purchased red pickup truck with a manual transmission directly in front of the store.

He got out of the vehicle, entered the store, and began his nightly routine by purchasing the most unhealthy food available to the greater Laguna Beach community.

When he returned to his truck–he was struck with the greatest fear that any man who hates walking and doesn’t exercise can imagine–his truck was gone and his hands were full of crinkle cut cheddar cheese fries and a family sized bag of Baken-Ets brand zero-carb fried pork skins.

For 120 seconds, Otero debated whether it was worth dropping one of the delicious treats in order to free up a hand to dial 9-1-1 on his mobile phone, but he decided that the call could wait. He stood in the parking lot, sad, alone, and staring blankly at where his car had been while trying to come up with some logical explanation for his truck’s disappearance.

“It’s almost like a ghost,” Otero said scientifically.

After he devoured his fries, he dialed 9-1-1 with his greasy sausage fingers and told the operator on the other end that his car had been stolen. Laguna Beach Police responded in minutes because they had nothing better to do in the quiet beach town, and hoping to catch a glimpse of the culprit, pulled the surveillance video from the convenience store.

This is what they saw.

“I still don’t believe it,” said Otero–continuing profoundly, “This is like a car hole-in-one.”

Oops

Brotha Jonze — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:25:17 +0000

When I was in high school my buddy did the exact same thing, only he was driving a Ford Explorer and womped it onto an ’93 Honda Civic. He wrote a note that read “Gotcha F_cker!” and left it on the guy’s rice rocket turned rice paddy.

This guy should have done the same thing. Slowly back his truck off of the Ferrari and out of the garage, sprinkle some crack on the ground, and peace the f_ck out.

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