Posts Tagged ‘wrestling’

For whatever reason, we’ve been writing articles about professional wrestling what seems like everyday. Maybe The Wrestler got to our heads, or maybe the idea if grown men wearing spandex and tossing each other around inside of packed arenas nationwide to the enjoyment of tens of thousands deserves more critical attention than it ever gets.

Or maybe Ric Flair simply has a knack for coming up with the most egotistical retardedly badass phrases we’ve ever heard. And even though I don’t have a lisp, I’m going to start using some/most of his lines to piss people off at the bar. No one wants to hear that their house is worth less than my shoes, but I’m going to tell it to them anyway — you should too. And if Tommy D-Bag gets angry with you, simply suplex his ass off of the trunk of your mile-long limo filled with 20 hot girls just waiting for you to go woo.

Despite having grown up in the late 80’s I never managed to jump onto the professional wrestling train. I vividly recall playing with the plush wrestling buddy dolls and beating the crap out of them but somehow never sat down to watch a match. Of the “old school” wrestlers, Hulk Hogan is about the only name that I can honestly remember. Having said that, I now know that this is probably a good thing.

I can now add a new name to my list of professional wrestlers, the Ultimate Warrior. At 6ft 2in and 275lbs the Ultimate Warrior is completely devoid of anything that would resemble an intelligent human being. Yes I know that wrestling is mainly an act, but holy crap! What the f**k is this douchebag saying? Other wrestlers even rolled their eyes at this twat. Sorry but any man who legally changes his name to “Warrior” has some sort of personality disorder.

After seeing this video I became quite intrigued with the Ultimate Warrior and stumbled upon a rather interesting special. If you are like me and find retarded people extremely interesting, youtube “the self-destruction of the Ultimate Warrior.” Now without further adieu, here is a compilation of pre-match rants from the Ultimate Warrior.

Animated gifs are to the internet, what celebrities are to society–stupid, nonsensical things that waste most of your day. Continuing on that theme, these animated gifs are to internet gifs, what Rickey Gervais is to celebrities… funny.

So take a minute and check a few out–I promise they won’t be as pale as Lindsay Lohan.