I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve compiled lists featuring 10 signs you need to go on a diet, but every time I do, it takes me back to my time spent in in one of the greatest areas of Los Angeles — Westwood.

I took this Diet and Exercise class while I was at UCLA and I highly recommend anyone who has the opportunity to take such a class, do so.

It will gross you out and teach you everything you need to know about maintaining a healthy body, which will in turn help develop a healthy mind.

For those of you who do not have this luxury, remember these 5 simple rules.

1. Calories consumed should be less than daily calorie expenditure for weight loss.
2. Lift weights three times per week.
3. Eat 1g protein per lb of lean body mass daily.
4. Your Blender is not a chocolate shake shot glass.
5. If you look like a wrecking ball, you’re doing it wrong.

If you follow those 5 simple steps, you’ll be fast on your way to not looking like the following 10 extremely depressing examples of human life. Complete Top 10 List after the jump.

10. You Are A Wrecking Ball

9. You Are A Soufflé

8. The Blender Is Your Shot Glass

7. Your Purse Hangs Sideways

6. Your Neck Has A Stomach

5. Is That Even Possible?

4. That Chainmail Was Made For Galahad’s Horse

3. No One Can Tell If You’re An FF Cup Or An A Cup With A Belly

2. No Geek Will Lay You Even As Cosplay Princess Leia

1. You Can Do The Splits Because You’re Sitting On Your FUPA

Tags: diet, Fail, fat people, Signs You Need To Diet, Top 10